I’m finally revisiting the characters from The River City Chronicles nine years after their original timeline. I’ll be running the series weekly here on my blog, and then will release it in book form at the end of the run. Hope you enjoy catching up with all your faves and all their new secrets!
Today, Sam thinks about considering possibly contemplating starting something new…
< Read Chapter 58
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Chapter Fifty-Nine
Back So Soon?
Sam pulled the rental car up in front of Carmelina’s house. It was dinner time already, but it would still be bright in Sacramento for another three hours. He’d spent the better part of the day driving around the city, sorting out his feelings.
He’d finally ended up at the State Capitol, the place where he and Brad had first met in the office of a Republican senator.
Things had been so different then. You could still talk to the other side, though sometimes those conversations were rough. The hatred that was so common these days between parties was much more on the fringe.
Brad had been so handsome, so kind, the perfect antidote to Sam’s controlling ex, Grayson. And it had been Sam’s first real job…
He’d gone inside that afternoon to take a look, and had ended up at his old office. Only now it belonged to a Democratic senator, a fierce Black woman in her forties—Senator Cassandra Mills. When he’d told the staff he’d worked there once upon a time, the Senator herself had come out of her office to meet him and shake his hand.
He didn’t have the heart to tell her about Brad. Not that it would have mattered to her. She had never known him. Even so, he couldn’t bring himself to say it. Brad is dead.
Now Sam was back at the place where his friend Oscar was waiting for him, and he still didn’t know what he wanted. What he was supposed to want.
I’m not ready.
He almost drove off again, but he’d already made the poor guy wait all day, sending him vague texts and promising to be back in time for dinner. He’d even stopped by Café Bernardo to pick up a couple burgers and fries.
With a heavy sigh, he turned off the car.
“It’s okay if you’re not ready.”
He almost jumped out of his seat. He looked in his rearview mirror, and Brad’s warm brown eyes met his.
“Not you again.” Sam didn’t believe in ghosts. This was just an echo of the past, his own deep desire to go back in time conjuring up a phantom from his mind.
He grabbed the bag and slipped out of the car, slamming the door and leaving Brad behind.
“That’s what a ghost is, you know.” His ex—did you call someone who was deceased an ex?—the former love of his life was blocking his path, solid as a fence.
Sam looked around, but there was no one else nearby to see what a fool he was. “What do you want from me?” He should have been overjoyed to be visited again, but instead he just found himself getting more and more angry. “You’re not real.”
Brad shrugged in that matter-of-fact way he had. “Maybe not. But you keep conjuring me up, for some reason. So you tell me. Why am I here?”
Sam blinked. That’s a new one. The ghost demanding to know why it had shown up on your doorstep. Why he had been summoned. “I honestly don’t know.”
Brad advanced on him. “Oh, I think you do.”
Sam took an uncertain step back, shaking his head. “I really don’t. I wanted the real Brad to come back. Not you. You’re just a hallucination. Or I’m going crazy.” It was possible, with all the stress he’d been under, even before Brad had died. Book deadlines, his mother’s passing, his never-time-to-catch-your-breath schedule… Maybe I am crazy.
Brad laughed. “You know, people who think they’re crazy usually aren’t.”
“So you can read my mind now?” Maybe the only way out was through.
“For God’s sake, Sam, I am in your mind.” Brad took a step back, holding out his hands in surrender, or placation. “Look, I know you’re confused. And you have every right to be. I’m gone, but you can’t seem to let go of me. You have these strange feelings about Oscar, and the guilt about that is eating you up. You don’t know what to do. Is that about right?”
Sam blinked. “You’re fucking kidding me, right?”
“What?” Brad’s ghost blinked like a deer caught in the headlights.
“You go and die on me and leave me all alone, and you think you get to have a say in who I see once you’re gone?” He threw the bag down on the concrete.
It split open, spilling out the burgers and fries all over the sidewalk.
Sam didn’t care. “You left me. You left me all alone and you broke my fucking heart. How could you do that to me?” By the end of it, he was screaming his lungs out on the sidewalk in front of God, the neighbors, and everyone.
“You okay, Sam?”
He blinked.
Oscar was standing there staring at him, an apron tied around his waist.
Sam closed his eyes and leaned back against the car. “Oh God. I must look like a fucking idiot, standing on the street and shouting at ghosts.” His gaze fell on the ruined paper bag and its contents. “I brought dinner…”
Oscar looked over the ruined remains and shook his head. “They use such cheap bags these days.”
Sam burst out laughing. “Such cheap fucking bags.” He couldn’t help himself.
Oscar laughed too, chuckling at first, but then falling into a full-blown guffaw. He leaned against the car next to Sam and held his sides, laughing so hard he started to cough.
Sam patted him on the back. “You okay there?”
Oscar sputtered a bit, then recovered. “Yeah. Man. Sorry. I needed that. It’s been a bleak week.” He looked over at Sam and blushed. “I mean… sorry. It must have been so much harder for you.”
Sam shook his head. “Pain is pain. Brad loved you, you know. You guys were tight. It’s okay to feel like crap over losing one of your best friends.”
Oscar hung his head. “Thanks. It’s been hard. But seeing the places that were important to him—to you—that’s helped me a lot.”
“Me too.” More than you know. Each memory had been a little letting go. “But what’s this?” He pointed at the apron, which was covered in red strawberries. Definitely one of Carmelina’s.
Oscar blushed. “I… made you a little something for dinner. I didn’t know you were going to pick something up—”
“Well, you can see how that turned out.” Sam knelt and managed to scoop most of the meal back into what was left of the bag. “What did you make?”
He grinned. “Come in and see.”
The sun was just dipping toward the horizon. A cool breeze kicked up, bringing the smell of honeysuckle.
Sam followed Oscar inside, dumping the spoiled meal in the trash can on the way in. The living room smelled like tomato sauce and something meaty. “Oooh, that smells lovely.”
“It’s my mother’s secret chili recipe. I raided Carmelina’s pantry and fridge to make it—I hope she doesn’t mind.”
Sam took another deep breath. His stomach rumbled. “I certainly don’t. What’s the secret?”
“Promise you won’t laugh?” Oscar looked positively bashful.
Adorable. “I can’t promise that.”
Oscar shuffled his feet, looking down at the floor. “Promise.”
“All right, I promise.” He raised an eyebrow. “Is it weed?”
Oscar snorted. “Hardly. She used a couple of cans of beans and whatever she could find in the fridge and the pantry. One time we had spicy chicken rhubarb chili.”
Sam covered his mouth, stifling a laugh. A promise is a promise. When he was sure he’d contained it, he managed to ask “And how was it?”
“It was absolutely horrid.” Oscar held his nose and made retching sounds.
Sam couldn’t help but laugh with him.
“You promised…”
“You started it. And besides, we’re laughing together.” He poked Oscar, and Oscar poked him back. They traded jabs, laughing and chasing each other around the kitchen, and suddenly they were face to face, and the world smelled delicious, and Sam kissed him.
Oscar’s eyes opened in surprise, and then he kissed Sam back, and for a minute everything was all right—
“Hey, we’re back! We caught an early flight—” Carmelina burst into the room with Daniele right behind her, holding a paper Versace bag. “Well, this is a surprise.”
Sam backed away from Oscar as if he were radioactive. “Oh, hey. You’re back.” He stuck his hands in his back pockets and leaned against the refrigerator.
Carmelina set her bag down. “Yes. And you and Oscar are…?”
He felt his face turning red. “It’s not… we’re not… it was a mistake.”
Oscar stepped in to save him. “It’s the secret chili’s fault. Strange things are known to happen when I cook my madre’s recipe.”
Sam saw the look of hurt on his face, but Oscar turned away to stir the pot. What am I doing? He could almost feel Brad’s eyes on him from beyond the grave. “It wasn’t a mistake.”
Everyone turned to look at him. “What?” they all said at once.
Sam closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them, they were all still staring at him. “It’s… look, Oscar, I’m not ready for anything new yet. Brad’s just left…” He still couldn’t bring himself to say the word “dead” out loud yet. “Brad’s… gone, and I’m hurting. And nothing makes sense. But kissing you was not a mistake.”
Oscar crossed his arms “I’m going to need a little more than that.”
Sam sank down into one of the kitchen chairs. “I’m not ready to move on yet. It’s too fucking soon. But Oscar, I like you. You’ve been there for me every step of the way since Brad, since he… died.” There, I said it. It felt cathartic. “You put your life on hold to come here with me, to bring him home to Sacramento. And it hurts. God, it hurts. I’m so not ready for anything new. Not yet. But if…”
He closed his eyes again. This is hard.
“If what?”
He opened them to find Oscar’s eyes fixed on him.
“If you’re willing to wait, then one of these days, I might be.” He exhaled, and all the stress flowed out of him to evaporate like trails of steam in the air.
The grin that spread across Oscar’s face took his breath away. “Of course I’ll wait. It’s not like I have a bunch of other prospects knocking down the door.” His expression turned more sober. “But you forgot something.”
“What?” He tilted his head to the side.
Carmelina raised an eyebrow.
“I’m not ready yet, either. I just lost him too, you know.”
“Oh.” Sam sighed, deflated, his shoulders sagging. “I’m sorry. I’ve just made an ass of myself in front of three of my dearest friends—”
Oscar reached out to put a finger over Sam’s lips. “Let me finish. If you’re willing to wait for me, one of these days, I just might be ready.”
Sam looked up at Oscar, and this time he was the one grinning. “Really?”
Carmelina put her hands on her hips. “All right, you two, enough is enough. You like him and he likes you, and maybe one of these days you’re going to be together. But in the meantime, can we get some goddamned dinner? We’ve been flying for fourteen hours, and we’re exhausted and starving.”
Sam laughed for the third time that evening. “If Oscar doesn’t mind?”
“Mind? Most of this stuff came out of Carmelina’s pantry, so technically it’s her dinner. Grab some chairs and I’ll serve it right up.”
“What’s the secret?” Daniele took a seat at the little table next to Sam.
Sam shook his head. “You really don’t want to know.”
Carmelina laughed. “By the way, we have some big news…”
They spent a lovely evening together, one of those nights when the world opens up and suddenly things seem possible again, and Sam started, ever so slowly, to fall in love with his best friend.
< Read Chapter 58
Like what you read? if you haven’t tried it yet, check out book one, The River City Chronicles, here.