My friend Jole Cannon has a new MM bear romance book out: Husky and Heartfelt.
Loneliness has taken its toll on Sean’s life. He once loved Hugo but let him go after college. After twelve years, he misses what they had, but dating a man could end his career as a high school gym teacher and varsity football coach. Staying in the closet has become a shield for him, one that is cracking.
Openly gay music teacher, Hugo, puts on a happy persona to his students and colleagues. He’s tried dating, but they always want what he isn’t: a masculine, well-toned man. Outside, everyone he knows says he’ll find the right guy, and he needs to be patient with himself. Inside, there is a hole in his heart no one can fill except for Sean.
When Sean finally talks to Hugo after avoiding him for years out of fear of being outed, a friendship sparks. Can this spark be enough to reignite the passion they had in college before Sean broke Hugo’s heart, or will it dwindle into nothing?
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Excerpt
Sean
Friday, January 8th, 1999
Sean locked his car and walked toward the school building. Two dozen cars filled the school’s parking lot. Staff who worked year-round and a few teachers, who like him, came in on the Friday before school started. Everyone would be here on Monday for the mandatory meeting and workday.
Sean entered the front office. One woman sat behind the desk, rifling through papers and checking her computer. Her long blonde hair was tied in a bun on the back of her head.
“Good morning, Helen,” he said.
“Good morning, Sean. Ready for another semester?” She smiled.
“I’m looking forward to it. I’m going to scout a few of the Sophomores on the JV team for my team next year. I need to get them ready and in shape.”
“Sounds like you’re looking to win the state championship again.”
“It’s been too long. We have to take it back.”
“Best of luck.”
“Thank you.”
Sean walked to the back office and collected his stack of papers from his box.
He headed to the break room and grabbed a cup from the cupboard. The aroma of the coffee in the pot tantalized his nose. It was store-bought basic coffee, but Helen made sure it was strong. That was what he needed today.
He dropped a quarter into the donation tin and poured a cup. The first taste of the rich black liquid seeped down his throat, awakening his senses.
He sat at one of the small tables and started flipping through the stack of papers until he found his spring roster. Two classes of Sophomore PE, third period prep, and they’d capped him at twenty-five students this semester. He’d complained that trying to wrangle thirty kids while also coaching and training the football team was too draining. A minor threat to quit as head coach next year altered their decision. He enjoyed having some say in his class sizes. His roster this year was tight. He was going to fight for players on his varsity team. He’d watched a few freshmen who could be second string on his team, but the JV coaches would fight to keep them. It was going to be fun this semester building a team.
“Good morning, Sean.” A familiar voice hit his ears. The pleasant and positive tones of Hugo.
“Good morning, Hugo. How are you this morning?” Sean said.
“I’m doing great. How are you?”
How can someone be so lively this early in the morning?
“I’m doing good. I just need coffee to get my engine started.”
“I hear ya,” Hugo said. He placed some change in the bucket and poured himself a cup of coffee. He added powdered creamer and sugar.
Sean watched Hugo. Even in the morning, he appeared very well-dressed. No students, and he still wore his tan slacks, light blue button-up shirt with a gray bow tie, and matching sweater vest his belly pushed against. Hugo’s short blond hair and trimmed goatee rounded out his look. His smile reached his baby-blue eyes, magnified by his round glasses.
Still as handsome as he was in college. I want to run my fingers through that hair again. I wouldn’t mind rubbing my hands over his chest and belly again, either.
Over a decade had passed since Sean broke the man’s heart, and he still remembered what he looked and felt like.
“Would you like to join me for a cup of coffee?” Sean asked. He’d avoided Hugo for six years. He couldn’t do it anymore. It killed him to distance himself from Hugo.
“Oh, yes. Thank you.” Hugo sat down and took a sip of his coffee. Sean read his face. The invitation surprised him. Sean didn’t blame him.
“What’s your schedule for the day?” Hugo asked.
“I’m going to plan the activities for the semester. Usual things. Basketball, some dodgeball, baseball if the weather holds up. What about you?”
“I’m going to choose the music for the semester. I want my advanced band and choir to perform together at the end-of-year rally. They work so hard, and I never get to put them together for a performance. I haven’t selected a song yet, but something will come to me. I talked to the advisor of the rally, and she said she would be happy to give me ten minutes at the rally.”
“That sounds exciting. I’m so happy for you.”
He was honest. He wanted to see Hugo succeed. The man had done so much for the music department, and Sean wanted to support him.
“It’s going to be a great semester,” Hugo said.
“I agree.”
“I’m sorry the team didn’t make it to state this year. I’m sure you’ll get there next year.”
“Thanks. They struggled at the beginning. A lot going on, but I’m sure we’ll do great next season,” Sean said. “I know your band and choir will be spectacular. I can’t wait to hear them.”
“Thank you,” Hugo said. “Do you have plans for the weekend?”
“Not really. Most of my weekends are me lounging around my house. Until baseball season starts.”
“Do you still see that guy I ran into you with at the game?”
“Bernard? Yeah. He’s a friend of mine. He’s a nice guy,” Sean said.
“That’s great.”
“What about you?”
“I’ll play my guitar, clean the house, and maybe watch a musical.”
“Sounds relaxing.”
“Anyway, I better go. I’ll see you around.” Hugo stood to go. “Oh, I forgot to ask. Did Kirkpatrick talk to you yet?”
Matthew Kirkpatrick was the school principal. He was one reason Sean hadn’t come out. Kirkpatrick and some of the administrators, along with the school superintendent, disapproved of same-sex relationships. They weren’t openly hostile—that would violate the union agreements—but everyone knew their position.
“What would he need to talk to me about?” Sean stiffened.
He’d been careful. Bernard was the last man to visit him, and that was over a year ago. He stayed away from places that could incriminate his sexuality, and no one came to his house.
“He mentioned sending some of us to the conference in Austin next month. I couldn’t find details, but it’s a weekend like usual. You and I were the only ones on the list from our district.”
Sean eased up. He didn’t love attending conferences, but there were worse things the district could ask him to do. He’d be able to spend time with Hugo. Maybe take Bernard’s advice and let him know how he felt.
“Thanks for the heads up,” Sean said. “I’ll see you later.”
“See you later.”
Sean sat in thought. He’d need to broach the subject of being gay first.
How can I tell Hugo I’m gay? I convinced him I wasn’t. What will he think if I tell him now?
Sean walked down the path to the gym. The school stood on a large plot of land. Beautiful patches of grass separated the buildings. This gave the campus an open feeling. Sean did his student teaching in a one-building school and agreed he’d never do that again. He enjoyed the spaciousness of Gilroy High.
Sean unlocked the boys’ locker room and made his way to the office.
The office held three desks, one for each male gym teacher, a cabinet with the first aid kit, extra gym equipment, and odds and ends they’d collected over the years.
Sean sat at his desk and powered up his computer. He sipped his coffee and rummaged through papers.
He pulled out the JV roster and started highlighting the players he thought had potential for the varsity team. He was losing more than half his team this year when they graduated. His current juniors needed a lot of help, but he had a plan. Threaten to replace them with the new juniors next year and that would light a fire under them.
A few names popped out. Beau Thompson, Clive Martin, and Stephen Miller. Those boys were fantastic. All three freshmen, and all three could play varsity as sophomores for him next year, if their parents signed off. They would form a powerful defensive line.
He was finishing up the first string of players when there was a knock at the door and Matthew Kirkpatrick walked in.
The principal was tall, over six feet, and glared down at people. This was his fourth year at Gilroy High, but Sean had never got to know him outside of staff meetings. He never visited the teachers, he never had meetings with parents or guardians, he did nothing but deal with paperwork and discipline students. Most of the staff disliked him, and he scared the students. It was fine for students to respect you and behave as a result, but he scared them in a way that upset Sean. He’d raised his voice at students and yelled at his team, but they knew why. Matthew yelled to dominate, not to garner students’ attention when they were being rambunctious. He’d heard Kirkpatrick through the walls of his office shouting at a kid who spit gum on the floor.
“Hello, Matthew. How are you this morning?”
Sean had learned not to call him Matt. The man didn’t appreciate the familiarity of first names and wanted them to use surnames. He gave up the fight when everyone called him, and one another, by their first names, but still refused to let his own name be shortened.
“I am doing well.” His voice echoed through the small office. “Mr. Janssen said you were on campus today. I wanted to talk to you about the conference in Austin. I think you would be a good fit as someone to represent our school. Would you like to attend? I will send you and Mr. Janssen.” Kilpatrick never used contractions. If Sean didn’t know better, he’d say the man was allergic to them.
“I think this would be an excellent opportunity for us. When is it?”
“It will be the last weekend of February. You will fly out on the twenty-fifth and return on the twenty-eighth.”
“I’d be happy to go. It’ll be a great opportunity.”
“Good. I will have the paperwork ready by next Friday so we can get clearance for you both to attend.”
“Is there anything else I need to know?”
“No, that is all.”
“Thank you for visiting. I’ll talk to you later.”
“One more thing,” Kilpatrick said. “We could only acquire one room, so I am going to have you share with Mr. Janssen. I am sorry that we could not get you into your own room. If it becomes an issue rooming with Mr. Janssen, please let me know and we will talk about getting you alternative accommodation.”
An issue? Because he’s gay, right? You can’t say that out loud though, you bigoted asshole.
“I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
“Okay, I will see you at the staff meeting on Monday morning.”
Matthew held out his hand. Sean shook hands.
“Goodbye, Mr. Patterson.”
“Bastard,” Sean said after he was sure Matthew was out of earshot. He picked up his phone and punched in a series of numbers. “Pick up, pick up. Please be there.”
Author Bio
Jole Cannon is a high school math and math programming teacher. When he’s not shaping the mathematical minds of tomorrow, he’s playing video games with his partner, watching television, doing math for fun, and working on his master’s in history.
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