Now that NaNoWriMo has begin, I thought I’d share some tips for keeping your mind and body in shape for the marathon writing session you’re gonna have to do on November 30th to finish that damnable 50,000 word novel you committed to on November 1st.
Follow these five tips carefully, and you should be in great shape once the last day of NaNo rolls around.
1) Eat Well: Stock up on brain foods that will help get you through long sessions of being chained to a desk while you berate yourself, shout at your inner critic to just “shut the fuck up already”, and try to bang out something at least passably creative. I suggest buying 3-4 cases of Wild Cherry Pepsi – Jolt Cols is a great choice too, if you can find it). Also pick up a carton of Oreos, and you might want to stock up on Ben and Jerry’s ice cream too – they are delicious, easy to consume in one sitting, and the company is way-gay friendly.
2) Get a Full Night’s Rest: Sleep is important to keep your writer brain happy. So we recommend a full night’s sleep – usually best obtained in the mid-to-late afternoon the day after. We all know the best ideas come at about two in the morning, so roust yourself out of bed, eat and hydrate your body (see #1 above) and plant yourself in front of your (insert writing device of choice here) to write your heart out. Ride the writing pony until it dies of thirst and exhaustion, and then crawl back into bed as the rest of the world is just contemplating lunch.
3) Exercise: Again, very important to keep your writing brain happy. A happy body equals a happy mind. What, you say? I have no time for exercise? Poppycock. Get yourself up every hour or so from that desk and shuffle off to the kitchen for a new can of Pepsi, a bag of Oreos, and a carton of Chubby Hubby. That’s what, like 500 calories burned round-trip? Plus the mail comes once a day, most days. Walk to your mailbox and pick it up yourself, instead of sending your spouse or child for it. And when your at your desk, a nervously bouncing knee is worth, like, at least a 1,000 calories in a day. Plus when you shout at your annoyed family members that “No, I can’t stop doing that, it’s my exercise”, you’ll burn some calories too.
4) Take in a Little Sunshine: Our bodies all need sunshine – it’s how we get Vitamin D. Or protein. Or something. Anyhow, you need a little sunshine every day to push back the despair, especially around day 22, when you suddenly realize that you’re only a quarter of your way to your goal and have frittered away three quarters of your time. So crack the blinds. Make the afore-mentioned mail run. And if all else fails, stare directly into a desk lamp with your eyes closed for thirty seconds.
5) Shower At Least Once a Week: OK, so this has absolutely nothing to do with NaNo fitness, per se. But just do it anyhow. Your friends and family will thank you.
That’s it. Follow these fitness tips and you will sail through NaNoWriMo 2015 unscathed. And if not, you’ll be too wiped out on December 1st to care.
Remember, writing is not for the faint of heart.