OK, so I’m a GRL virgin (and judging from the photo, it’s amazing I’m not an RL virgin too!). I’d always heard that it was next to impossible to get into GRL as an author. But it was actually easy. I just had to pre-register my information, jump onto the site at the exact second the registration opened, and type faster than I’d ever typed in my life.
It was a snap.
But although I have never been to GRL, I’ve heard some rumors about the amazing things that go on there. So here are my top ten things I can’t wait to see:
1) The Dancing Bear: I know it’s not kosher in this day and age to make animals perform. That’s why it’s so cool that GRL has opted for a dancing human bear. My sources tell me his name is Alvin, and that he’s quite a hunk. I like my mens furry, so I’m bringing a fistful of dollar bills to keep the poor thing fed.
2) The Smores Bar: I first saw one of these at a friend’s wedding. They are fantastic, because the provide all the nutrients a writer’s brain needs – chocolate, marshmallow and graham crackers. And if there’s not one at GRL, I might just have to burn the [email protected]#!* place to the ground. *ahem*
3) The Special Guest Appearance: By either 8 of 9 (7 of 9’s lesser known sister), that gay guy in that one Star Wars book, or the hunky male cast of Sense8. I’ve made my choice.
4) My First Big Fan: OK, I’ve been to four of these con/retreat thingies so far, and I have yet be accosted by a rabid fan of my work. It’s time, people. I will be at the QSF table most of the time if you want to fanboy or fangirl all over me, and I will include my photo with this post for ease of identification. Suggested first words: “Your book changed my life because…”
5) Being the Belle of the Ball: I’ve brought my prettiest ball dress. There is a ball, right? All of these things have balls…
6) The Educational Workshops: I haven’t seen the schedule yet, but I’m assuming it will contain such gems as How to Research Sex Scenes, Making Money Hand Over Fist in MM Romance, and Building a Writing Cave to Survive the Trumpocalypse.
7) The Fine Cuisine of Kansas City: Kansas City is known for its food. Its steak… and… well… um… *scratches head*… ok, I’m looking forward to a good rib eye while I’m in town.
8) Kansas City’s LGBT Nightlife: So not a big deal. We’ll be back in California soon enough.
9) Selling Enough Books to Pay for…: The plane ride there. Or at least the wifi service on the plan ride there. One way.
10) Proving to the World That Angel Martinez and I are Not the Same Person: Because we totally aren’t. I don’t know where you ever got the idea. I mean, we’re nothing alike. Seriously. Totally not true.
I am sure GRL won’t disappoint me on my virgin trip.
And if it does? They still have plenty of time to hire a dancing bear for next year.
This post originally appeared on the Prism Book Alliance website. Thanks to Barndilyn Carpenter for letting me republish it here.