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Office of the Lost

Chaos and Order Book 1

Office of the Lost - J. Scott Coatsworth & Kim Fielding
Part of the Chaos and Order series:
  • Office of the Lost
Editions:ePub, Hardcover, Kindle, Paperback, PDF

When Perfection Collides With Chaos, Sparks Fly

Crispin Eladrin, desk fae at the Office of the Lost, could find a needle in ten haystacks. His desk is so neat it would make an accountant blush, and he's never failed to complete a recovery mission. He has no idea how adorable he is, especially when he's at his most annoyingly officious.

Enter utterly chaotic Leopold Lane. His life is a masterclass in disastrous events--and it's about to get worse. He's the latest thing that Crispin has been sent to retrieve, but when they meet, sparks fly. Literally. And now they must find their way back before someone—or something—enchants them, eats them, or stomps them to death.

Neither knows why the Office of the Lost is so hell-bent on acquiring Leo, but they're determined to survive long enough to find out--and to see if opposites really do attract.

Excerpt:
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Romance is a Drag Anthology

A Queer Own Voices Anthology

A queer Anthology that embraces the romantic life and happy ever afters of drag queens navigating the LGBT landscape. All stories are written by Own Voice gay authors! From small towns to big cities, drag queens are the heart of the gayborhoods they belong to. Stories by Shane K Morton, Blake Allwood, Jole Cannon, Kelvin Young, J. Scott Coatsworth, Kristian Parker, Brent Archer and M.D. Neu.

My own story, Miz Fortune's Lonely Hearts Salon, is a later-in-life romance set in my River City World (Miz Fortune also appears my the Down the River serial). Like all the River City stories, this one has a bit of magical realism.

Excerpt:

Miz Fortune’s Lonely Hearts Salon

Chester Carlson hit send on the email to the IRS, completing the last task of his day.

Simple, easy, predictable. That’s how he liked it, and work these days hardly ever disappointed. He’d long since exhausted his idealistic youth, having moved on from wanting to make a difference in the world of finance to hoping to save his clients a few dollars on their taxes, then leaving when the clock struck five.

Which was precisely the time it was now.

He closed the laptop case, taking care not to pinch his fingers, as the hinges which used to ease it shut had long since given up the ghost and all too often would allow the screen to come crashing down.

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“Heading out?” Monica peeked into his office, her friendly smile brightening his day, as unrelentingly gray as most of the rest of his life.

“Yes. Just wrapped up the thorny affair with the tax man for the Bunker-Flints.” The retired couple had found themselves in a situation, after the agency had declared one of them dead out of the blue. It had taken two months to unravel the mess that had caused.

She shook her head, her beaded locks clinking. “Had one of those last year. Took ten forms of ID, seventeen weeks, and the intervention of Congressman Carty to get the client resurrected.”

Chester sighed. “Didn’t this job use to be easier?” Now the only thing he looked forward to was Miz Fortune on Friday nights.

“You’re telling me.” Monica rolled her eyes. “They say we’re in the midst of a great retirement… a lot of the old guard accountants just hanging it up and slipping away into the night.”

He snorted. “I wish some of my clients would follow them. Everyone wants to pay less for more.”

Her eyes twinkled. “Preachin’ to the choir. Hey, Max and I are going out for drinks at the Torch Club. Wanna tag along?”

He was tempted, but he had other business to attend to. “Wish I could, but my sister is in town,” he lied.

“Mariam? Say hi to her for me. And Ches…?”

“Yeah?”

“Take care of yourself. Things are going to change soon.” She wrinkled her nose. “Get better, I mean. I can feel it.” Then she was gone.

He sank back into his chair, hands at the back of his neck. Get better? Not likely. He was a fifty-six-year-old gay accountant in a dead-end job, alone for almost a decade since Andrew had passed. This was as good as it was likely to get. At least I still have my health, as they say.

He peeked at his reflection in the glass on the picture he and Andy had taken at City Hall down in San Francisco, when they had gotten married in 2008, and then straightened his red bowtie. Then he grabbed his brown leather briefcase and left the office.

###

Two hours later, after a peanut-butter and tuna sandwich and a quick shower, he found himself clambering down the old cement stairs on the side of a Victorian building in Mansion Flats, half a mile from his own house.

He glanced at his phone. Seven PM. He had about an hour to get ready.

He unlocked the basic wooden door—painted red for luck—with a key that looked like it dated back to Victorian age as well. A flick of the switch, and the room lit up with a golden glow which would have befitted the era’s gas lanterns, though it was achieved entirely through electrical means.

He locked the door behind him—it wasn’t a particularly dangerous neighborhood, but you could never be too safe—and set down his duffel bag on the round, gilded table which dominated the room. He looked around in satisfaction.

The whole place practically glittered in gold and red hues, from the heavily beaded scarlet curtains with golden tassels that decorated every wall to one of two Tiffany lamps with gold trim and small, fake ruby dangles.

There were three chairs. His was as large as a throne and nearly as gaudy, covered in gold leaf with burgundy velour cushions. The table featured a crystal ball—an Amazon special—and a neatly stacked Art Nouveau tarot card deck he’d found at a yard sale. All above a hand-woven rug that had always reminded him of the Eye of Sauron.

The room divider along the back wall was a shoji screen, stained red, that he’d picked up at an old antique store on the edge of town.

He grinned. This was her place, and it was exactly the way she wanted it.

He set about unpacking his things: a long, flowing red dress trimmed with golden embroidery—if he sat still enough in his little salon, would it render him invisible to the casual glance?

His red wig, full of lustrous curls that would have looked extravagant on anyone.

And his makeup kit.

He moved the divider aside to reveal a small desk and mirror with the second Tiffany lamp, twin to the first. This was where he would transform himself for the evening. He put each of his things in its place on the narrow pressboard desk—sturdy and efficient but out of place amongst the glamor that surrounded it—and flicked on the lamp.

After stripping down to his underwear, he pulled on a chest plate and the red dress—no need for tucking in this particular environment, and besides, the dress would forgive a multitude of sins. Then he sat in the folding chair, which squeaked in protest, and trimmed his eyebrows.

After this fine-tuning, foundation went on next, thick enough to mask some of the wrinkles that insisted on creeping onto his face with every additional year he passed under the harsh Sacramento sun. That was followed by a bit of contouring to make his face slightly less… manly, and then some fine powder makeup, which always made him sneeze.

He knew he’d never achieve Meryl Streep, but he hoped to at least approximate Bette Midler, or perhaps Endorain her prime.

As the layers went on, Chester slowly slid into the background, taking along with him the constant parade of numbers and figures that danced through his head. Forgotten were the Bunker-Flints and their IRS kerfuffle.

Miz Fortune slowly emerged, all chiffon and lace and woman-of-mystery, a matchmaker who held the cards of fate in her hands. Literally.

This was his favorite part of the night, when he shed his timid accountant personality to be someone strong and in control, something like the man he’d been before, with Andrew. Confident. Certain. Spontaneous.

He sighed, closing his eyes with their false eyelashes and clutching his tube of slut-red lipstick in his sweaty hands. If only you could see me now, babe.

His strange visions had started after Andrew’s death. Little flashes over other people’s heads that made him think—at first—that he was having a stroke.

Put on the lipstick with practiced ease, puckering his lips to spread it evenly.

At first, he’d thought he was losing his mind—the result of the twin stresses of a job he hated and a life that had suddenly gone empty of all color and meaning.

Slip on the wig and fasten it into place, then drape the curls around to frame his face in the most flattering way possible.

Then he’d seen one of his visions come true—Max from work had met the girl of his dreams, and when Chester met her, her face sent chills down his spine. He’d seen that visage dancing over Max’s head a month before.

Acrylic nails, blood-red, pressed against each of his own, rounded and sharp, like talons.

It was a sign. Maybe from Andrew himself. He, Chester Carlson, was meant to help others in ways that went far beyond taxes and accounting.

A ruby-red ring and some brass bangles on his right arm to complete the effect.

He sat back to admire the results of his labors, spreading his fingers and waving his hand in the air to admire the glitter of jewelry. He’d created Faye as a way to escape the pain, and she had taken on a life of her own. Her lips spread wide in thrilled anticipation.

 “Miz Fortune has arrived.”

COLLAPSE
Reviews:Ulysses on Queer Romance Ink wrote:

"Drag is not my primary reading target, but as a gay elder I have the deepest respect for its place in our shared LGBTQ+ culture. I knew that an assemblage of drag-themed stories from the editorial desk of Scott Coatsworth would be richly diverse and emotionally satisfying.  And so it is. Each story very much reflects the narrative style of its author, and the biggest revelation of this anthology is the surprising narrative range that the theme of drag performance can encompass. 5 stars."


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Love & Limitations

Love & Limitations is Scott's fourth short story collection and first one featuring contemporary MM and LGBTQ+ stories:

I Only Want to Be With You: Derrek likes Ryan. Ryan likes Alex. Alex treats Ryan like trash. So why can't he see who really loves him?

The Boy in the Band: It's hard for a trans kid in high school, just like it was for a gay kid two decades before. Can Ryan and Justin find common ground in time?

Translation: Dominic has a thing for Italian guys, especially his boss, Dante. His roommate Enrico has a thing for him. No matter how this ends, someone is going to get hurt.

Slow Thaw: As the Antarctic warms, so does the chilly relationship between scientist Javier Fernandez and new arrival-and trans man-Col Steele as they contend with a disaster on the ice.

Ten: After the death of his husband, Chris faces a gay mid-life crisis-at thirty-five-as he jumps back into the dating scene for ten dates in ten days.
This is the first time all of these stories have all been collected in one place, and the first publication of the The Boy in the Band in any form.

Excerpt:
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Tangents & Tachyons

Tangents & Tachyons is Scott's second anthology - six sci fi and sci-fantasy shorts that run the gamut from time travel to hopepunk and retro spec fic:

Eventide: Tanner Black awakes to find himself in his own study, staring out the window at the end of the Universe. But who brought him there, and why?

Chinatown: Deryn lives in an old San Francisco department store with his girlfriend Gracie, and scrapes by with his talent as a dreamcaster for the Chinese overlords. But what if a dream could change the world?

Across the Transom: What if someone or something took over your body on an urgent mission to save your world?

Pareidolia: Simon's not like other college kids. His mind can rearrange random patterns to reveal the images lurking inside. But where did his strange gift come from? And what if there are others like him out there too?

Lamplighter: Fen has a crush on his friend Lewin, who's in a competing guild. But when the world goes dark, only a little illumination can save it. And only Fen, Lewin and their friend Alissa can light the spark. A Liminal Sky short.

Prolepsis: Sean is the closeted twenty-five-year-old editor of an 80's sci-fi 'zine called Prolepsis. When an unabashedly queer story arrives from a mysterious writer, it blows open Sean's closet door, and offers him the chance to change the world - and the future.

Plus two flash fiction stories – The System and The Frog Prince, never before published.

This is the first time all of these stories have all been collected in one place.

Excerpt:
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Spells & Stardust

Spells & Stardust is Scott's first anthology - eight sci fi and fantasy shorts that run the gamut from regeneration to redemption.

The Bear at the Bar: A gay fish out of water tale with a pinch of magic.

Tight: What happens when your lover disappears in midair?

Morgan: The year when everything changed.

Re-Life: What if you were reborn in a strange new future?

A New Year: They met every eleven years. And each time, Hank's life changed.

Repetition: What if you wanted to go back in the closet?

Gargoyle: Sometimes you get what you deserve. Sometimes it happens on All Hallows Eve.

Avalon: A few bright moments in the sun, stolen from outside time.

Most of these stories have been previously published in various anthologies and journals. This is the first time they have all been collected in one place.

Excerpt:

The edge of the old cement pediment crumbled away beneath Hank’s feet into the river far below, glistening in the light of the almost-full moon. The bridge railing was cold at his back—he could feel it all the way through his jacket and shirt to his skin. He could see his breath glowing in the night air.

The nearly-frozen water rushed by in the river below, flowing under the bridge behind him and on toward the ocean far away in a steady flow, silver in the moonlight and heavily laden with winter rain. As soon as he gathered his courage, Hank would let go of his grip on the railing and fall into those icy waters, to disappear forever from the world of men.

It was New Year's Day, 1986, an hour after midnight, and it was the end of things for Hank.

Or it should have been.

It was also the night he first met Dale.