Welcome to my weekly Author Spotlight. I’ve asked a bunch of my author friends to answer a set of interview questions, and to share their latest work.
Today: Z. Allora is nonbinary. They didn’t always believe in romance, but before giving up on happily ever afters, Z. took out a personal ad in a college newspaper. On October 20, 1987, at 5:08 p.m., Z. found what they didn’t think existed—their other half. Five years later, Z. married their best friend and true love. Z. spent much of their adult life traveling the world and has visited thirty-five countries. Z. also lived in Southeast Asia, Israel, the UK, and China. During the pandemic when Z. couldn’t travel, they studied the changes in Asian BLs/Yaoi and dramas. Many of these shows evolved from basic visibility to exploring Pride events, homophobia, sexual orientation, gender identity, and same-sex marriage at a level that was never seen before. These Asian BLs are no longer simple romances about same-sex couples in love but have become the soft power that is changing hearts and minds about LGBTQIA+ issues and people throughout Asia and the world. Z. holds the opinion that every single one of us deserves to be happy forever. Regardless of where we are on the infinite spectrum of gender identity or orientation, our differences and similarities should be both respected and celebrated.
Email: Z.AlloraHappyEndings@gmail.com
Blue Sky: @zallora.bsky.social
Instagram: @z.allora
Facebook: Z Allora Allora and join Z.’s Yaoified Love group (for fun,character chatter, giveaways, and silliness)
Website: zallorabooks.com
Thanks so much, Z., for joining me!
JSC: Do you use a pseudonym? If so, why? If not, why not?
Z.: Yes, I use a pseudonym. Z. Allora is a penname given to me by the love of my life. I did not change my name when we married, so Z. is from my last name. (You don’t give up a Z if you have one in your name) A is from my middle initial and Lora was my work name just spelled differently.
JSC: How long have you been writing?
Z.: I’ve always written. I haven’t always shared. I remember being in 8th grade and telling my mother I wanted to be a writer. She said I might have to read my work aloud. As a stutter that made me run the other direction from publishing… until I wanted to lend my voice to promoting LGBTQIA+ equality. (Though I’m still not reading aloud to a group!)
JSC: What is the most heartfelt thing a reader has said to you?
Z.: YaoiCon 2016 a lovely person saw one of my books and began crying. As she sobbed, she asked if this was my book (Illusions & Dreams) I said yes. She grabbed me and hugged me as she continued crying. She told me that book saved her life. I remember being overwhelmed and extremely grateful the book was published.
JSC: What tools do you feel are must-haves for writers?
Z.: Scrivener! I could never have finished a manuscript without this writing program. On one page it allows me to have a structure by having all my chapters, notes, character sketches and writing space all right there. I can shuffle chapters easily. I can copy and paste into other chapters without issue. I LOVE SCRIVENER!
JSC: How do you combine all the different worlds of your life in your works?
Z.: I’ve lived over half my adult life either living or traveling to Asia. Many of my books are set in Asia. I use my own experiences or allow my experiences to inspire the parts of my stories. It’s rare that I write about something I haven’t done. (Yup, if you read me let that sink in…)
JSC: What does success mean to you?
Z.: Someone reads my book and feels happy, has a better understanding about how someone else feels and feels validated about being different.
JSC: How did you choose the topic for Not Another Love Song?
Z.: I was sitting in China and I found X Japan. I loved their music and loved the members before I found out one of the members (Hide) was already dead. I was devastated. It made me research the stress of perfection Asian idols are under. I wanted to write a way through the stress the music industry forces on their idols. I needed to explore a way forward that ends in a J-pop idol’s happily ever after.
JSC: Tell us something we don’t know about your heroes. What makes them tick?
Z.: Wayuu is into BDSM. Zen wasn’t but he’s willing to learn because he wants to give Wayuu everything. Sometimes people are into BDSM so they know how they will be hurt.
JSC: What was the hardest part of writing this book?
Z.: Finishing it. I was writing when Covid hit. I left this story and my beloved characters on Chapter 13 for five years.
JSC: What are you working on now, and what’s coming out next? Tell us about it!
Z.: Beyond Hope This series is about a magical refuge for supernatural entities. Each were rejected by their own communities but found a safe place to be themselves… and to find love. I’m playing in the realm of shifters, vampires, ABO+ omegaverse, and others. And yes, this will have Mpreg in it but it won’t be the noncon omega forced fanfiction we usually see. I’m having fun exploring and breaking all the rules. I even worked in a K-pop group because how could I not?
And now for Z.’s new book: Not Another Love Song:
Sage Nakamura formed the band Kashi-sei to model visibility and acceptance. He brought together Yamamoto Haru, Watanabe (Way) Wayuu, and Suzuki Zen to change the face of J-pop.
The J-pop industry has traumatized Way. Despite being an idol, he struggles with self-worth and his hidden nonbinary identity. He joined Kashi-sei partly because he owes an enormous debt to his brutal former manager, but the band also allows Way to perform with his crush, the charismatic Suzuki Zen.
Zen is fiercely protective, driven by his own past trauma in the music industry to take care of his sister and deeply in love with Way. Zen is all about discipline, studying BDSM to keep his own control while hoping to make Way lose his. Way is the only person Zen wants to sing with for the rest of his life, but every time Zen tells him how he feels, Way thinks he’s just being flirtatious.
As their undeniable chemistry blossoms into a secret romance, they must confront demons from their past—including manipulative managers and obsessive stalkers—and decide if embracing their authentic selves is worth risking their careers and the future of the band.
Amazon
Excerpt
Chapter 1
“Hi, I’m Watanabe Wayuu, one of the lead singers of Kashi-sei.” Idol or not, he struggled to stare directly into the camera. Way tried to act normal, but he rambled through his introduction. He caught himself shifting from foot to foot and forced himself to stand still. No matter how many interviews he had done in his career, butterflies still thundered through his stomach.
To maximize Kashi-sei’s reach, the group leader, Sage Nakamura, had enlisted his friends, Lee and Ryder. These two would film the intro of each band member for their band’s social media channels and throw snippets onto all their platforms.
The duo filming Way gave an encouraging thumb-up as if he hadn’t sounded stupid.
Way stepped out onto the balcony of the high-rise apartment he called home. “This is one of my favorite places in our apartment. This view of Tokyo is incredible. Sometimes I come here and write.”
Lee stepped forward with a camera. “Let me get some footage of the view. You’re doing great. We’ll add a voice-over during the silences and when we ask you questions.”
Staying quiet, Lee panned across the gorgeous skyline with his camera.
How could Way live in such luxury?
Only one person knew that a few short months ago, the landlord had evicted him from his run-down apartment. If the opportunity of living with the band hadn’t happened, he’d have been selling his body outright to put a roof over his head. But thankfully—
Don’t get used to this luxury! It won’t last. Nothing ever does.
Way’s phone buzzed.
He didn’t have to check the text to know it was another threat from Ito-san, his sadistic manager, whose sole purpose was to use Way. Ito-san’s role in life seemed to be to make Way unsteady and miserable.
Way should have had sex with him. Giving in to him might not solve the problem, but it would quiet the monster. Ick! Even the thought of doing that again made his skin crawl, and he’d never feel clean again, but….
As an idol trainee, he’d learned his body didn’t belong to him.
They rebranded him and controlled his individuality. The company he signed with owned him. They decided who he would be.
“I’m going to get some stills.” Lee started twirling and shifting, snapping pictures of Way.
Standing behind Lee was Ryder, who was all kinds of perfect at being their nonbinary self. They pointed to their own face and smiled.
Oops, idols needed to project a happy image. Way gave the camera a sultry smile. He tried not to ask himself whether without the branding and expectations Watanabe Wayuu even existed.
“Tell us what you write?” Lee asked.
“Songs… I write lyrics and ideas for songs.” Way hated to admit he’d filled many notebooks with his idiotic thoughts and useless feelings.
Who was he kidding? Words upon words do not make a song.
“Have you shared any with Sage? Kashi-sei?” Ryder asked.
“Nah, what I’ve written isn’t worth anyone’s time. I mean, not yet.” That addition saved nothing.
Ryder gave them a bridge to the next segment. “What other places are special to you?”
“Takeshita Dori. And with magic—” Way held up his fingers and snapped them as they had practiced.
Snap! And through the practical magic of editing, the next images seen would be in Takeshita Dori, the iconic pedestrian street with its vibrant, colorful culture that attracted Japanese youth and tourists alike.
“Cut. Great. You change into something you would have worn pre-idol, and I’ll do Zen’s intro video. Then we’ll head over there.” Lee set down his camera.
“Thank you both for making this easy,” Way said. Not a lie, but a small exaggeration. It was never easy for him to talk about himself.
He escaped into his bedroom, but Ryder had followed him.
“Hella outstanding,” Ryder said as they stood in the walk-in closet and worshipped with their fingers the clothing Way had laid out. “Is this what are you wearing?”
Way said, “It was my mother’s.”
“Wow, Mama Watanabe rocked this back in the day? I wanna meet her. She for sure is a Queen of Visual Rock.”
“I wish.” Way swallowed hard, never quite able to shake off the stabbing pain that came from the realization. “She died years ago.”
“I’m sorry.” Ryder grabbed Way’s shoulder and squeezed.
Trying to shake off the sorrow that clung to him, Way adjusted the clothing on the hangers. “During her treatment, she shared stories and pictures of the Visual Kei bands she’d seen in concert. She was quite the fan.”
Ryder smiled. “I admired the allure of the eighties subculture music movement. The freedom for the fans to be themselves must have been incredible. Japan led the way.”
Way peeked through the hair that fell over his eyes. He enjoyed Ryder’s perspective on many things. “In what way?”
Ryder continued, “Seeing guys in gender-nonconforming clothing and big hair made my world fall into place. I didn’t seem so… different.
If it weren’t for Lee and Sage, I’d have moved to Japan.”
Way’s mouth dropped open, wondering if he was following the English words. Moved to Japan?
Laughing, Ryder model-strutted to the window and gave him a graceful never mind wave. “Oh, of course it would have been chasing a dream that I was decades too late to catch. Still, I believed the freedom
I had longed for still echoed in those alleys. But being yourself is a gift only you can give yourself.”
“Yeah.” Way swallowed hard and took the clothing into the bathroom. He left the door open a crack.
Indecision rode him. Should he say what he’d felt aloud? Once he’d spoken the words, he wouldn’t be able to take them back… or maybe he wouldn’t want to.
As he dressed, Way continued, “After my mother’s death, the only solace I found was parading the streets and alleyways of Takeshita Dori.
I was, as you said, decades late, but it didn’t matter.”
“I bet your stunning appearance caused quite a stir.”
Shrugging off the flattery, Way slipped out of his shirt but left on his leather pants. As his more masculine clothing came off, he shed expectations that didn’t fit. “If you mean I got attention, yeah. Wearing my mother’s original Visual Kei pieces with touches of other Harajuku Kawaii fashion-styles soothed my soul.”
For those moments, he had stitched his world back together, albeit with safety pins and some well-placed bandages in a very non-Yami Kawaii. Even with his darker thoughts, he hadn’t thought about “cute sick” fashion in a long time.
He slipped into a watery black silk shirt, then pulled on a black satin corset. He restrained a moan of satisfaction when he added an Elizabethan-style black duster embroidered with a silver floral pattern.
Glancing in the mirror, he grinned. Yes! These pieces allowed his true core to shine.
“I bet there are images of you pre-debut floating around.” Sounded like Ryder was pacing the room.
Anything that was counter to Way’s dominant, more Alpha image, his old group’s management had done a lot to capture and kill. He’d loved posing for those pictures, though.
He attached silver chains around his waist so they dangled around his right thigh, and then he added some necklaces. “Might be a video of me singing a song or two. Takeshita Dori is where I discovered my voice.”
Tracing the floral patterns of silver on his jacket, a sharp sadness cut through him. “My mother never heard me sing. She would have appreciated my singing her favorite songs.”
“I’m sure of it. But your father must have been proud,” Ryder mused.
“Nah. After my mom… well, my father quickly married his mistress. My stepmother found what she called my weird girly clothing and tossed almost every piece my mother had left me. The only ones saved were those hidden under my school uniform and in my laundry basket.” He toyed with the crinoline still on the hanger and tried to ignore the pain of losing his mother and things connected to her.
Having his clothing thrown away stripped him and gave him nothing except an empty need that was never supposed to be met.
Ryder leaned toward the bathroom. Way could see the anguish written on their face through the crack in the door. “I feel terrible your stepmother was cruel.”
Way had forgotten yet again how things that were commonplace to him horrified others.
Adding a bunch of bracelets and rings to every finger, Way tried to find the silver lining. “Anyway, to make a long story longer, my father and his new wife were happy the talent agency wanted me. They were even happier with the advance they took on my behalf, and they couldn’t send me off fast enough.”
Way opened the bathroom door all the way. He turned toward the mirror to touch up his makeup. “But there were things my mother gave me no one could throw away. She taught me to mist my face, correct my eyeliner, and then see what needed reapplication.”
“She sounds like she was a wise and lovely woman.” Ryder’s voice was strained, but they seemed to strive to be upbeat.
Way smiled through the anguish and focused on the good. “She taught me how to play up my eyes, so I always wanted to add a flourish like this.” He indicated his artfully applied eyeliner, which he loved because it made him prettier.
Ryder meandered over and leaned against the doorway. “You’re good at that. My eyeliner wings could pass for abstract art.”
“I’m sure that’s not true.” Way chuckled. Then he added a deep reddish-purple color to his lips.
“It’s great your mom taught you so much.” Ryder smiled at him. “Mine can barely remember my pronouns.”
Way wished his mother were alive to have that kind of problem. He missed her so much. “We spent hours together. She taught me what clothing to pair with what, how to do my hair, how to walk… everything.”
Ryder grabbed the hanger with the black crinoline skirt. “Not wearing this?”
“Not yet. Still getting back to… me.” He didn’t want to push his image too far.
“To you?”
“Who I was before I was a trainee.” Way teased and sprayed his hair out. His long hair made him happy.
“If you want to talk about what you mean, I’m here. No pressure.”
Ryder stared at Way in the mirror and gave him the space.
If anyone could understand him, Way knew it was Ryder. They were comfortable being gender fluid, and to Way they were perfect.